This morning was one of emotion and sadness. The floodgates in my heart...and tear ducts...were opened wide, and trying to control or close them was not going to happen...whatsoever.
I said goodbye to a few friends who are dear to me and, at the time, I knew in my heart that I would not see them for a very long time. It hit me hard this morning when me and my family participated in communion with a few of these folks. From then on until we drove out of the church parking lot I could not stop crying. If you know me well you will know that I don't cry easily, and if you know me even better than that you will know that I've asked God for several years to give me tears...but those of joy, not sorrow. So I am trying to understand what that was all about!
I have a complete peace within me about leaving and going where I know that I know that I am supposed to be. Maybe the tears I experienced this morning were those of sadness for my dear friends because I had, just a few weeks ago, witnessed seeing joy on their faces when I shared with them that we were staying. It hurt my heart tremendously to have to tell them that we were indeed leaving after all; however, at the same time, I think, possibly, that I was feeling a rush of relief, because I have a strong sense that where we are moving to will be our home for a long time this time; a thing that I've been desperately praying for recently. It will be the REST that I know my God has been waiting to give.
Whatever they were about I am aware that God is doing a thing in my heart just the same, and I am grateful that He cares enough to do so.
Well, it's midnight now and I need to rest my tear-crusted, puffy eyes so that I can make it home safely tomorrow evening after dropping my family off at the airport. Thanks for "listening" to these wrestled-out thoughts. I don't enjoy keeping a journal because there is no audience. So, there, I just let out a bit of a secret within me. I only love writing when someone else can or will read what I have to say...so very human of me...and I'm in need of grace.
Tearfully with My Kup...
Cindy
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