Birthday Holiday = No School. Check.
Birthday lunch at Wild Cats Den. Check.
Birthday cake decorated. Check.
Birthday presents opened. Check.
Birthday girl happy. Check.
Intestinal flu still in motion. Yuck.
Broken tooth...down to the gum line. Ugh.
Wet blue ink found in washing machine. Crap. Ach! (thank goodness it was mixed with dark, colored clothing!)
This has been a mixed day...one of celebration mixed with all that could possibly mess that up. However, I refuse to let that happen. My 12 year old baby girl, "Boo", will not have her excitement dispelled because mom is being "slammed", if I can help it.
This day is still not over, but my glass will be half full...I'm determined ;)
Enjoying My Kup...
Cindy
Early this afternoon I was lamenting* sharing with my sister that I had no idea when my family will be able to move back (to California) and I had no idea how we were going to be able to afford to send our girls off on a plane to spend some time this summer with their grandparents, aunts, and cousins, when she popped out with..
"You never know what's coming around the corner."
God was already on top of it...before these thoughts existed He put a generous thought on someone's heart. Minutes after this sisterly conversation my husband called me to share some good news.
"Money is being mailed to us from "someone" (I'll leave them anonymous) to use for airline tickets to send the girls off on their summer vacation that we have desired!"
Wow!! I never saw it coming, as it was "coming around the corner". Head-on collision with a gracious, loving God Who sees our every need. I love those divine collisions, don't you? This motivates me to keep moving forward in faith and expect another need to collide with the Provider. Again, I'll be ready to testify of His Greatness!!!
*I know with many of my readers this word is a bit confusing because I have displayed how excited I am in staying in the New Mexico area; and a part of me is excited as many of you have been a family for us. However, there is a huge part of me that desires to be a part of my "blood" family again and be "nested" there for a very long time. My heart is torn, and tugged, and tossed, and tumbled and when I have conversations with my family of moving back my heart skips a beat; and when I'm with my New Mexico family I'm thrilled! Do you see my dilemma of emotions? Understand that I feel like I'm still standing in the middle of "The River" waiting, for what? (and may I remind you that the "riverbed" is dry...I'm not struggling in this position.) For peace about this move? For direction? (In which I feel like we've received a lot of those lately...now to discern what is from "whom".) For my heart to be put back together in one piece? I think, either way we go, my heart will be broken. Maybe we've made one decision over another due to the fact that in our human logic there is no way we will be able to afford to move the longer distance of the two. Dare I say, that is a lack of faith? Fear? Or maybe we have moved forward in one direction "jumping in with both feet" so that God is able to "move" in working out the other. Maybe, just maybe, we have been in His way in one area, and for this reason He needed us to focus on another. Or maybe I'm just analyzing way too much...but that's how I was made. I just want to be where God wants us and be settled and at peace with that. Yet, I believe that when we are moved in the continuously right direction I will experience that peace that passes all understanding and just know! So why am I still hesitant with the "place" we've set out to move to?
Well, possibly there is still more to collide with in God's timeless fashion. Indeed, "you never know what's coming around the corner."
Waiting with My Kup...
Cindy
"Rest", is what she said, and continued with "He's not telling you to do it, He's going to give it to you." My friend sensed the Lord impressing on her these words for me a few weeks ago and I received them...still do.
I'm tired and weary.
We're moving. Oh wait! Now we're not moving, but we're still moving. Confusing, I know. Let me explain a bit. California is not happening right now and I really have no idea when it will. Meanwhile, we are staying...in New Mexico. On the other hand, we're moving out of the house we've been in for almost a year. It will be a year when we do, only a year, as all the other recent time frames-of-stays have looked in the past. Instead, we are heading to a beautiful, spacious mountain valley called Eagle Nest (overlooking a lake, in fact), just 45 minutes through the Sangre de Cristo mountain range. Now let me clarify something: anywhere around the northern New Mexico mountains are beautiful; where we live now is beautiful, but that's not the point of the move. This has nothing to do with discontent; it has everything to do with following God's lead. For what reason this time, we have no idea. We just know to obey and follow.
I'm tired and weary. Oh yeah, I already wrote that...but I am.
This will be the 25th move we've made in 18 1/2 years of marriage. I am 40 years old...and "old" needs to be strongly emphasized because that is how my body is feeling. Moving does not do a body well when one is not in shape. Yeah I know, that should be a clue to get in shape, right? But a previously fractured lower back brings on a bit of difficulty in this area. (Ok, that's no excuse, but I tried)
These past few days have been like a roller coaster ride of emotion like never before. Feelings of anguish, sobbing, convulsing sobs overcame me the other night; feelings that hit like a two by four. (If these are the tears I've prayed for several years I take it back! Tears of joy are what I want; yet, I suppose "joy" does not always mean "happy". I experienced tears of empathy...sheer heart-wrenching-brokenness. Could this be a new gifting? Hm, it hurt too much. I don't know that I want it; but what do I know.) Hormones haven't helped. Yesterday, overwhelming waves of feeling came over me. Moving again. Therefore, in just one month I need to be ready to do so...house packed.
May I "whine" a little on here and just be plain honest with y'all? Wait, first I will say that I am truly grateful for the "manna" God has provided for my family. In addition, I am extremely thankful for the "tents" He has "set up" for us over the years. What blessings! (Yes, I parallel this with the wilderness experience of the Israelites...and I know that whining could cost me another several years...I know...so I am taking a risk in my honesty. May I not forget that Grace has since entered HisStory.)
Ok, here goes:
*I'd like for a year to go by and not have to think about packing for another move. Instead, I'd much rather enjoy the thought of planting flowers and cultivating a plot of yard for a vegetable garden...and then watch it all grow!
*Now that I'm home schooling my daughters I'd like to be able to not have to think about if I can afford this next year's curriculum because that money is being used on moving expenses...and fixing a broken car.
*If we lived in one place for more than two years maybe, just maybe some family members might take an interest in considering moving near us. Or maybe other family members...and even friends could "plan" to just visit.
*We have a variety of "roots" planted in several places in this country and frankly I'd like for a root to take hold and continue growing, but "where oh where will that be?" I wonder.
*I have to admit, moving is adventurous and exciting because we get to experience new beginnings of all kinds; however, after 25 times I'd like to experience that adventure as a vacation knowing that when the week is over our destination is back at "home". We've had to use our vacations as moving days. They've been fun in the past, but definitely not relaxing, refreshing, or restful.
Does all this make sense to anyone? Have I lost it? Gone off the deep end? Flipped my rocker? We all want these things. That's the normal life.
However, I don't live in it.
All these wants and desires...that are normal and common...can surely be asked of my gracious, loving God, but are they His best for me? Are they His will for my family's life? I don't believe that we've been "wandering in the wilderness" because we are not floundering to find our way; but I do believe that God has called us (my family) to jump in with both feet from one "Jordan River" to the next in faith and trust that He knows best and has a plan for us (see Jeremiah 29:11), a plan not to harm us...or disappoint us...but one that gives us a future and a hope.
Ok...so now that we've "jumped" and have landed in the "flooded waters" moving forward in this plan of His (and I've stopped whining) I'll keep trusting and holding on to what He spoke to me through my friend,
"Rest. I'm not telling you to do it, I'm going to give it to you."
I can only hope and pray that "rest" will look like a very long break in our moving journey...soon. Maybe I ought to reach down in this river we're standing in and grab a stone and write "REST" in capital letters, hold onto it and watch it happen. I refuse to be swept away by the "flood waters"...oh wait, what flood waters? The riverbed is dry!
Enjoying My Kup...
Cindy
